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About Literature / Hobbyist Matt Taylor31/Male/United Kingdom Recent Activity
Deviant for 13 Years
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Newest Deviations

The finest macarons in Paris :icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 3 0 View from a rainy Eiffel Tower :icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 3 1 The Louvre at dusk :icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 1 0 Paris :icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 5 1 Layfield Lake, Norfolk :icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 2 1 Sunrise @ Palling Park :icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 11 5
Dealing with IT - Part 2
     Simon spent the rest of the morning answering tickets and sending emails, before going to lunch at 11:58, which was close enough. He proceeded downstairs to a secluded break area, which was full of quite comfy but oddly horrible looking sofas and some gently humming vending machines.
     He bought a few fizzy drinks, opened one and gulped down half of it, then lay down for a nap. His eyes opened fifty three minutes later with abject panic. He checked his phone and, realizing his lunch was almost up, set an alarm for two minutes in the future and continued napping.
     Simon woke up two minutes later feeling even worse than his journey in to work that morning. He really had to stop staying up late, drinking and eating crap and sleeping on the work sofas, which had left a surprisingly deep imprint of the coarse fabric on his face.
     He tried holding air in his cheeks to try and p
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 0 7
Dealing with IT - Part 1
     Simon Taste arrived for work late and without his ID badge. On mornings like this he vowed never to drink so much the night before work. He had consumed a bottle of wine and several beers and as such, he had forgotten to bring his ID badge and put his shirt on the right way round.
     He approached the reception desk of his building slowly.
     "Good morning!" one of the security guards said.
     The building was open from seven a.m. which was two hours ago. They had drunk their coffee, chatted with their mates and generally woken up. Simon was not even convinced he was awake yet.
     "Morning. I forgot my badge."
     "Oh dear, late night was it? Haha, I'll just sort you out a temporary one. Who's your manager?"
     "Gaby Mugabe."
     "Oh, really?"
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 0 3
Paedophiles Anonymous :icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 7 18
Queen James Bible - Exodus

Excerpt from the Queen James Bible, Exodus 19 to 22
Further reading available at

19:1 Thus, Moses was alone once more. He looked to his left, where God was grinning at him maniacally. "Yes," he thought, "I am thoroughly alone!".
19:2 However, Moses was befriended by a man called Bob. Bob was a pretty cool dude. He was into the same kind of shit as Moses. Playing poker, lassoing turtles, etc etc.
19:3 The only thing about Bob was that he inexplicably embraced death in every possible situation. For example, if an extremely slow car were to move towards Bob, he would throw his head back, hold out his arms and prepare to be delivered to the lord. This annoyed most people, who tended not to kill him wherever possible.
19:4 So God called Moses up to Mount Sinai. He could have spoken to him on the ground, but things were just more difficult this way.
19:5 Bob pursued Moses. Then, a thunderous rockfall began a few hundred feet above them. Moses instinctively ra
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 5 4
Stanley Meets His Maker pt. 2
They reappeared, to Stanley's immense surprise, in a brightly lit but plain room, with cushions piled into a corner. A winged figure was lounging against them, groaning.
"Let's go," the Devil said firmly, marching towards the white door and wrenching it open.
They stepped into a similarly lit corridor.
"Is this... heaven?" Stanley asked, looking around in what he hoped was an appropriately awed expression.
The Devil turned on him and smirked.
"Hey, Stanley!" Dreadlord said. Stanley turned to see his face peering out of the door of the room.
"Er, are you... stuck?" Stanley asked, uncomfortably close to Dreadlord's eyebrows.
"No," he said. He stood up inside the room and the door wobbled uncertainly before expanding to high above Stanley's head. He watched as the edges of the door were wavy and uncertain before snapping into a solid door shape.
Dreadlord stepped out of the room. Stanley heard the corridor expand to accommodate.
"I... see..."
Just as Dreadlord was about to break
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 8 23
Stanley Meets His Maker pt. 1
Stanley sat in his shed, listening to the ambience that surrounded his allotment. There was nothing to be heard but the chickens complaining and the vegetables growing.
He wished he had a fridge in his shed, because he didn’t like long life milk. He stirred his tea thoughtfully. He wished he had a TV, too.
Stanley finished stirring because his arthritis began to hurt.
Life had been good to him, he reflected. He’d been blessed with seventy nine years of life thus far, although he currently wasn't that pleased about it.
A voice said behind him, “Hello.”
Stanley sipped at his tea.
“Erm, excuse me,” the voice said.
Stanley turned slowly where he was sat, quite a simple activity and the only redeeming feature for stools.
"H..." Stanley began. He had no idea how this person could have entered his shed without his knowing, as it often took Stanley a considerable amount of effort just to open the door.
"Oh, sorry," the man said. "I didn’t mean to scare
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 8 13
Danger Pay In Zero Gravity Ch4
As McCaine and Nick walked out, the second policeman they'd met came marching towards them.
"What's going on? Is the prisoner dead?"
"He's not dead, he's not a prisoner and his name is Steven," said McCaine. She was not going to be spoken to like that by a police officer, especially in front of all the other police officers. "You are to escort the actual prisoner, who is outside, to the SIO's temporary headquarters on the moon."
"I am?"
McCaine, who realised she hadn't done this sort of thing in a while, said to the office as a whole, "Well done, officers. You did a great job today and you may have saved Earth!"
The officers look pleased. McCaine thought it best not to mention the whole Anthony Boss thing.
She continued, "Blue Skies is now officially a terrorist organisation and anyone not wishing to be branded a terrorist should probably leave, although you are of course welcome to join other environmental organisations. Officers, assist the young folks here in taking apart their head
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 2 1
Danger Pay In Zero Gravity Ch5
The owner laughed uncertainly while McCaine cut his ties and loosened the strap around him.
"Oh, thank you, thank you," he said, gushing praise and, McCaine hoped, nothing else.
He ran into the toilets, which McCaine had yet to have the pleasure of using.
She waited around on the sofa, rolling her head around. It certainly had been a stressful few days. She was looking forward to a holiday in Spain, Earth's primary holiday location, with the entire coastline one long, gorgeous beach, after extensive groundwork to make it so.
Much of the sea water was artificially heated, too, so even if the weather was bad, you could warm up in the ocean.
The owner took much longer in the bathroom than was really necessary. When he finally emerged she asked him, "Were you trying to find a way to escape? You do realise we're in space, don't you?"
"Yes, I know, I wasn't, I'm sorry, here, I'll be tied back up now."
McCaine sighed, "I don't really want to tie you up. If you promise to be good, I'll leave y
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 2 9
Danger Pay In Zero Gravity Ch3
It was 9am when Nick rose, which was early for Nick but not very on-time for work. He showered and dressed quickly and knocked on McCaine's door. She did not answer.
Nick assumed she had gone for breakfast, so he walked down stairs, through the lobby and into the restaurant, looking for McCaine. When he couldn't find her, he began to get a little worried, so he grabbed some toast and ran back upstairs.
"McCaine? Are you in there? Hello? Are you okay?"
"Urghhhh," came the reply, as the door clicked open. Nick saw McCaine shuffle back into bed. "These pills... they suck..." she groaned.
"To be fair, you do have radiation sickness. You need to rest."
"Work to do..." she moaned, showing no intention of actually doing any work and every intention of resting.
Nick shut the door behind him and turned the light on as dim as possible. This, it turns out, was still too bright.
"God, Nick, why..." she moaned.
At a loss for what to do, Nick decided to make some helpful suggestions. "Do you want s
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 2 0
Danger Pay In Zero Gravity Ch2
Nick woke to the sound of McCaine banging on his door.
"Come on!" she shouted, "Get up!"
Forgetting he was on the Moon, Nick leapt out of bed and crashed straight into the ceiling.
"Stop jumping around and let me in," McCaine called through the door.
Nursing a sore head, shoulder and arm, Nick opened the door. He had slept in his clothes because he had been quite tired and he generally liked being able to leap out of bed at a moment's notice. Nick checked the time.
"It's seven in the morning," he protested, in the vague hope that McCaine would realise she'd made a mistake and leave him alone.
"I know," she said, "I couldn't sleep."
"I could," Nick grumbled quietly.
"You need to do some clothes shopping," she said, ignoring him, "and I have business to attend to. I'll be having breakfast downstairs, don't hang about." With that, she swanned out.
Nick had a quick shower and, while drying himself with a towel probably more expensive than all the clothes he had, he looked forlornly at the
:icondeviantkupo:deviantkupo 2 7

Random Favourites

w i n t e r :iconmental-sex:mental-sex 2 12 Airport :iconzoanoid:zoanoid 265 261 Sinkstone :iconmugwumperx:mugwumperx 20 38 Nebelheim Memories :iconkiiroikimono:kiiroikimono 12 23
Preview Unavailable
A Lymrick :iconklark-kent:klark-kent 2 9
I Forget
and I'm thinking of the time,
the time when she said,
when she said...
I forget.
and so, this time.
third time unlucky,
or so it seems.
that which I'm aiming for;
at least,
that's what I think.
and it will always continue,
we're tossed aside,
back of the queue.
A to B.
top of the fucking class.
and I'm thinking
of the time
when she said what she said
but I just don't know.
I forget what it is,
but I know how it feels.
and I know how it feels.
It feels great.
:icondavidrussell:davidrussell 1 14
Light featurette spurs sudden interest
Tan tomatoes disrupt lucent vision
Blue tangerines mellow bland discomfort
Off horizontal scanlines
Grey announcers report greyer sunset
On horizontal scanlines
Shuffle begrudging
Two / three sharp blows
Resultant state: Battered
My TV is broken
:iconpsychodrive:psychodrive 5 71
Forever Alone
Ambling by
Each new day,
Breaking dawns
Lead me astray.
To look around
To see each face,
Together, happy
In their true place.
I cannot deny
What has always been,
From truthful eyes
My tears gleam.
A lonely hand
Wipes a single tear,
This repetition
This only fear.
My calling
My fate, my curse?
Lived each day
No lines to rehearse.
Forever a friend
A place called home,
Unwanted, dependant
And forever alone.
:icondiddilly:diddilly 15 23
simplicity :iconmental-sex:mental-sex 3 11
Forever Asleep Today
This single tear runs down my cheek.
Meeting my lips with its
Bitter, salty taste.
My mouth opens, wide,
Where the taste finds my tongue.
Curling and writhing in pain,
Withdrawing out of view.
My lungs fill up, suck in the pain.
Expanding in my chest.
Exhaling the sweet waste,
Giving back to the world.
But not before dilluting my blood,
To be sent to my heart.
Invading and spreading,
Like a plague,
Attacking my core.
My hand raises to my cold, still chest.
Grabs at my flesh,
As my knees fall to the ground,
And my head smashes down.
Forever asleep today.
:iconklark-kent:klark-kent 3 25
Opiate of the Masses
The opiate of the masses
The straight heroin
Take a steeple and tap the vein
Feel the rush as cool conviction fills your bloodstream.
Blind faith soon kicks in to sooth your troubles
To wash away your pain
Your doubt
Your unneccesary reason.
As the high continues you see unintelligable lights which make perfect sense
And you never want to feel any other way.
Yes, you're a junkie, and you seek no redemption
You just revel in your sickness, Passing it on when you can.
You shoot up once a week,
Sit back in a dark room, and just feel the music.
The words take you
You're offered healing.
You're offered alternatives.
But you just walk through the crowd,
Stabbing innocents with needles.
:iconfairyinboots:fairyinboots 4 8
rise with you to the sky :iconshadykov:shadykov 2 2 Good Vs Evil - Rock style :iconnapsalm:napsalm 1 2 Caffeine :icondavidrussell:davidrussell 2 12


My most popular short story (and the 11th most popular on dA!) got picked up for a collection.

You can all buy 20 copies here:… (you can find it on the UK Amazon too, which ships over the EU)

I was so delighted, I gave it a right good sprucing up for the book :D So, if you ever thought that story could be better - it is and it's in print! It's called "Under The Stairs" and features a lot of short, snappy fiction.

Inspired by being put in a book, I started a new novel. It's about a hopeless IT support guy who gets embroiled (great word) in a vast conspiracy. And it has jokes in. I really like it - feels like a less pretentious Douglas Coupland and look how successful he is!

Also, if you just want to read some of my stuff I recommend this:

Stanley Meets His Maker Short(ish) Story

A tale of a simple old man who has a run in with the Devil that takes him on a journey of accidental self discovery and enlightenment.

Part One -… Part Two -…

Classified - Failed comedy novel I hope to one day finish because I think it's hilarious.

Classified is a comedy that follows a group of three young school kids, convinced two aliens have infiltrated their school. Matt, Brian and Louis combine their knowledge of popular television programmes, brain power and wit to fight the alien subterfuge and reveal them for who they really are.

Day One…
Day Two - Morning…
Day Two - Afternoon…
Day Three - Morning…

Danger Pay In Zero Gravity - Failed sci-fi comedy novel. Also hilarious.

DPIZG is a science fiction comedy story that follows Nick Hall, who somewhat stumbles into the role of a secret agent protecting the solar system from hidden dangers. The story leads Nick and other, more qualified secret agents from Earth to the Moon, various space stations and all manner of cafés.

DPIZG - Chapter 1 -…
DPIZG - Chapter 2 -…
DPIZG - Chapter 3 -…
DPIZG - Chapter 4 -…
DPIZG - Chapter 5 -…

* * *

PS: The character limit. It sucks.
  • Reading: How To Teach Quantum Physics To Your Dog


Matt Taylor
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
Current Residence: The unfashionable part of the galaxy


Add a Comment:
eiarain Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012
Whenever I'm feeling bad I read baking through suicide. It never fails to make me feel better. You're a genius.
ARCatSK Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2011  Student General Artist
:party: Happy Birthday!
Have a great day!
ice-or-fire Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2011
Happy early birthday!
Hope you have a good one!
JessicaMuller Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2010
Wow ur an amazing writer, I love your style and how you manipulate the topics :)
tmpst24myst Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2010  Student Writer
I think I've found a new favorite writer. (:
LexDiana Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for adding "Baking Through Suicide" to LitMag. :heart: I really do love it.
Koneko-Garu Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2010
Hello! My name is Koneko Garu. c: I'm just starting out on deviantART and I am currently accepting 20 free requests, anything you want! ((See my Journal for guidelines)) Feel free to take a quick look at my gallery here and request a drawing or a concept for a photo. c: Drawing, preferrably!

Thanks :hug:
BBPhotographii Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2010  Student Photographer
Thankyou for accepting High Quality Art's request! We would love you to join the group and submit your artwork so we can showcase your awesome art!

Brii :)

LylyanIwaki Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2010
:party: Happy Birthday to you~ :music:
Hope you have a great day :la:
Add a Comment: